One of the biggest perk of living in Singapore is the affordability of domestic helper. A great helper is a wonderful asset to busy family and can contribute tremendously to the making of a happy family. While enjoying this privileged way of living, let us not become complacent and lazy, leaving the important task of child rearing at the hands of capable "aunties".
After much stress and 3 maids later (horror stories for another post!), we have finally found Miss Right! The new maid is most competent. She also gets on very well with the children. The house is in perfect order and has become a well-oiled machine a couple of weeks after her arrival. I have to admit that the temptation is to leave her all the parenting work as well. After all, it irks me when the children squabble. How many times do I have to play referee in a day?!
Have you succumbed to that same temptation yet?
I am not a saint, so there were many times when I said, " XX, can you please deal with that for me?" or just played dumb. But I am very mindful that it is my (and my husband's) responsibility as a parent to teach my children.
My philosophy is that maids are there to relieve us of time consuming house keeping duties and babysit when we are unavailable. They should not take over our role as parents.
The key then, is our interpretation of "availability". Availability comes in many forms. For instance, I am working, so I am not physically available. My maid will look after my children. Or, I am thinking about work and how to get more money, so I "need" my maid to help me with the children. I was once OBSESSED with work. I allowed work to define who I am and what I do. Although I am physically at home, I was not available. "Maria, please mind the kids for me!"
Talking from personal experience, I many a time just tune out and let my helper entertained the children when I was working. Coming home, I feel entitled to rest! Now that I am not working, I still feel that there are many things that can take me away from my children. The temptation to leave them to my helper is still as great as ever. These days, I focus on how my children are entitled to me. And not only does the thought helps me get my bottom off the couch, I feel happier and more fulfilled. I have learned that 10 mins of quality time with a child can make them very secure and happy. Positive interaction is the key!
In my interviews of maids, I have found out that people have their maids sleep with their children and help with the children's homework. One maid worked for the same family for 16 years and never had a day off! We could not believe our ears! My husband and I have always told the maid that if our children wake up in the night, it is not their problem. We would rather be the ones to cuddle our child who wake up from a nightmare than to delegate that job to "auntie".
Like anything in life, parenting requires lots of work. That unique parent-child bond and relationship requires careful cultivation. Children need our input to teach them right and wrong. Bear in mind, our own values and cultural background could be vastly different from our maids. By the time you discover some undesirable values in your child, it could have already taken root in their value system.
Quite a few friends of mine give their maids days off on Saturdays and Sunday, so as to be alone with their children. On the other hand, I have quite a few friends who could not live without a maid for even an hour. It worries me to see us so dependent on others in so many ways.
Mu husband works long hours and sometimes he goes out before the children are up and comes home way after the children are put to bed. Weekends are VERY precious to him. He makes an effort to spend time with the children and block out the other issues that are bothering him. My children loves weekend when good ol' Dad is available. He is my role model- he has taught me that family time is important and that I have to make myself available.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Parenting and Teaching
Before I was a parent, I knew everything about parenting. It is so easy and it was frustrating how parents could not see my point of view.
Now, I am a parent of two girls and I'll be the first to admit that I know nothing about parenting. Parenting is the most humbling experience of my sheltered life. Growing up in Singapore, life is a linear map. Go to school, get a good job and strive for 5 Cs.
Things became different when I got married and had to move to Sydney, cutting short my career as a MOE Teacher. I had enjoyed my teaching career in Singapore tremendously, so it was a bit sad to leave it behind. However, although things were tough settling into a new country, I have accumulated wonderful life experiences that I would otherwise be deprived of. In Sydney, I learn a whole new way of BEING.
Becoming a mother changed my life. Literally. My perspective on life became completely different. It was a slow process to embrace the change that motherhood brings. Parenthood teaches me to be a less selfish person. Being a parent in Sydney, I had to choose between family and work. Unlike living in Singapore, maids or hired help are not readily available there. Whilst all my friends in Singapore returned to work after childbirth, I decided to stay at home with my baby. At that time, jobs in public schools in Sydney was hard to come by, since I lived on the North Shore where schools are very established. Most of the position are filled by Australians who have been teaching there for many years. In order to start my teaching career there, I had to start as a casual teacher and drove 1 hour to the schools out west. After having a baby and no help, I had to give up teaching in schools. The decision to become an unglamorous housewife was hard to swallow at first but now I am grateful that God has led me through all that struggle. His plan is perfect indeed!
When my child was 2, I started a company to teach children English and Writing Skills. What astounded me was that being a stay-at-home Mum has equipped me with a lot of soft skills needed for good teaching. I became more patient and was able to understand and relate to both children and parents very well. My classes were full and had long waiting lists. Parents were reporting excellent results over short period of time. I felt empowered to teach! Although I no longer teach in Sydney, I miss the interactions with children and parents.
I have my Mothers Group friends to thank for my growth both as a Mother and a teacher. Observing the way these Australian mothers communicate with their children, I learn to respect even the tiniest toddler. In many Asian household, children are well loved but not heard.
Have you taken the time to stop and really really listen or talk to your child today?
Now, I am a parent of two girls and I'll be the first to admit that I know nothing about parenting. Parenting is the most humbling experience of my sheltered life. Growing up in Singapore, life is a linear map. Go to school, get a good job and strive for 5 Cs.
Things became different when I got married and had to move to Sydney, cutting short my career as a MOE Teacher. I had enjoyed my teaching career in Singapore tremendously, so it was a bit sad to leave it behind. However, although things were tough settling into a new country, I have accumulated wonderful life experiences that I would otherwise be deprived of. In Sydney, I learn a whole new way of BEING.
Becoming a mother changed my life. Literally. My perspective on life became completely different. It was a slow process to embrace the change that motherhood brings. Parenthood teaches me to be a less selfish person. Being a parent in Sydney, I had to choose between family and work. Unlike living in Singapore, maids or hired help are not readily available there. Whilst all my friends in Singapore returned to work after childbirth, I decided to stay at home with my baby. At that time, jobs in public schools in Sydney was hard to come by, since I lived on the North Shore where schools are very established. Most of the position are filled by Australians who have been teaching there for many years. In order to start my teaching career there, I had to start as a casual teacher and drove 1 hour to the schools out west. After having a baby and no help, I had to give up teaching in schools. The decision to become an unglamorous housewife was hard to swallow at first but now I am grateful that God has led me through all that struggle. His plan is perfect indeed!
When my child was 2, I started a company to teach children English and Writing Skills. What astounded me was that being a stay-at-home Mum has equipped me with a lot of soft skills needed for good teaching. I became more patient and was able to understand and relate to both children and parents very well. My classes were full and had long waiting lists. Parents were reporting excellent results over short period of time. I felt empowered to teach! Although I no longer teach in Sydney, I miss the interactions with children and parents.
I have my Mothers Group friends to thank for my growth both as a Mother and a teacher. Observing the way these Australian mothers communicate with their children, I learn to respect even the tiniest toddler. In many Asian household, children are well loved but not heard.
Have you taken the time to stop and really really listen or talk to your child today?
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